Zexion Discovers Social Networking
by A.D. Williams
Summary: It starts with a simple friend request that always ends up being so much more. Zexion is new to social networking and as he browses around, he finds that maybe there's more to this Organization than what meets the eye...


Hiya there! Yet another random one-shot I decided to write out, ^_^

Before you start, I think it really needs to be addressed that I'm not big on social network sites. I have accounts on a lot of stuff, but very few of them do I use. With that said, if my explanations of anything are vague or wrong, forgive me. Also, there's a bit of stereotyping here, but it's pretty obvious when I'm doing it…and why. This is a comedic story, so sit back, laugh, and I hope you enjoy it!

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**To Friend or Not to Friend. That is the Question...**

A piece of random information that most don't know about me is that I actually had to quit going to school when I was only in the fifth grade due to becoming a Nobody. Thankfully, Ienzo and Zexion look enough alike to where nobody noticed it, but I couldn't go back after that year finished. Mandatory school check-ups and shots would've revealed that I had no heart pulse and that alone probably would've been enough to kick-start a global freak-out only rivaled by the Cold War or something.

So, I quit. Rather, I was forced to quit. I dedicated my time to trying to find a cure and basically sold myself to Xemnas and his Organization, since we'd all ended up in the same crap hole due to messing with science. Oh well…it's the price for knowledge.

Whenever I wasn't being forced to help Vexen with random (failed) experiments, I was given old, dusty volumes to pore over and look through to find answers. I'll be the first to tell you how much I love to read, but _that _was plain cruelty and no matter how many times I petitioned for a new job, Saix intervened and claimed that 'all other positions were filled.' I could've at least switched jobs with Demyx! He was given measly recon assignments that he oddly botched anyways.

I don't mean this to say that I don't like Nine…but really, there's just better qualified people out there. Like, ohhh….me? Just saying.

Anyways, with all of that said, due to being busy and my few years of school enrollment, I've never had much interaction with others my age or engaged in their past-times. What did others my age do for fun? I really couldn't tell you.

After a long night of typical fruitless reading, I decided that it was time to hit the sack, although morning only held this same routine again for me. What joy.

I logged onto my computer to check for any final emails and found that I indeed had just one. And it read: "Lexaeus has invited you to become friends on Facebook."

Wha? What's a Facebook? Sounded like an online photo album. Lexaeus never spoke of his Other life or his family, so maybe this was a chance to know more about him. I clicked the link and was taken to a profile page.

And would live to regret it.

Why was Lex's picture of him in nothing but boxer briefs lifting a dumbbell? Who the hell took the picture for him? Who was he trying to impress like that? Wasn't he probably too old for social networks? I'd heard of social networks, but never was interested in them enough to find one and make an account for it. And Lex's profile showed that he wasn't just on it, he was _really _into it.

The front page held a bunch of comments and snatches of conversation between him and his friends. It seemed almost rude to read them, but I'm sure these things have privacy settings and if he hadn't disabled them, then I suppose I was free to look. The one thing I noticed is that he seemed to really like talking to someone named "LL12", who used a picture of a violent thunderstorm or something as their icon. I clicked the name and read about them…and stopped about mid-way through the profile.

Lexaeus was hitting on Larxene. No…that wasn't that bad. Larxene was hitting on Lexaeus! Eww! Flirtatious comments like, "I'd really love to see your ripped bod in rl" and "You really are too sweet to me, LL, and one day I hope that you trust me enough to show me your self."

I think. I might. Throw up. How the heck could they not tell this was each other?

Curiosity killed the cat, and I decided to look around some more. That's when I discovered that Xaldin had a Facebook page too! With what appeared to be an exact amount of five-thousand followers…And he broadcasted that for any remaining people wanting to become his friend, he had an alternate account as well. How the hell was he so popular? I looked around on his profile and found that Xaldin also promoted a YouTube account.

Oh dear gods, he didn't. Xaldin had been videotaping the Organization! _All of us. _In one video, I could see myself stumble in through the kitchen door, still uncoordinated after just waking up. I crashed into a wall and everyone roared with laughter. Yeah, I could've done without remembering that incident…

I read over the comments on the video and they…were quite nice in fact. "OMG, I LOVE his hair! He's too kawaii!" I didn't know what 'kawaii' meant, but it seemed good to have that many exclamation marks after it and to be paired with a comment about loving my hair.

Ignoring my fatigue, I tried to find another social network and see what other random strangers were up to. This one was about…MySpace. Hmm…sounds like a roommate that refuses to let you ever cross the taped line in your dorm room and will bitch at you if you even so much as think about it.

This website was far more interesting to me, since you could put music players on them and they had bright colors to entertain the mind. Er, that sounded…weird. I quickly grew tired of the pictures of people on there though. This one was more rampant with teens than Facebook and evidently, they all had the same idea of what a profile picture should be. For girls, just take a booty shot in the bathroom mirror with your cell phone. For guys, try to look as cool and unfazed as possible. Yep, that'll getcha plenty of 'friends.'

People really couldn't be interested in this stuff…everyone was so one-dimensional! And for the love of Kingdom Hearts, did they not know how to spell? 'U now i cnt wait for that movi!' Ugh! I see now why this place was froth with mainly teens…no self-respecting adult would want to be surrounded by _that. _

Oh wait. I was wrong. Axel had an account on there. At least his picture was decent. If I had to make a complaint, it was a small one. Just that he decided to PUT HIMSELF WEILDING HIS FLAMING CHAKRAMS AS HIS PICTURE!

You see people, the problem with this is, either Axel has to convince them that he's a magician or own up to having powers beyond human understanding. He and Xaldin were blowing our cover!

And it gets worse. You know those cliché girl pictures I spoke of? Xion had one. Yes, sweet little Xion. Don't worry, my mouth dropped open too. I prayed to high heaven that when I ran a search on Namine, I wouldn't find one as well, and my prayers were answered; she didn't have an account at all. Unless she'd gotten smart and put her account under a different name.

The next social network I decided to look at was Twitter. From the get-go, the name already pissed me off. Don't ask why. But I found out that basically you were IM'ing the world at once. You screamed out something random and instantly everyone could read about it. Um…yeah…

Guess what member I found there? Let's see…Saix for one. His bragged about being the CEO of some sort of company and how his underlings were incompetent idiots. I got the strong urge to create an account and totally rat him out, but I decided to leave him to his dreams. This Org could drive anyone crazy and if Twitter is what kept Saix sane, who was I to ruin that?

Next on the list was Vexen. Vexen said little about himself and mainly commented on other people's 'tweets', as I was learning they were called. Ew, social network terminology. Anyways, Vexen seemed a very, very, very huge fan of Justin Beiber. Please let that child lose all of his voice to puberty and never again let a male teen heartthrob come along to make girls faint and hyperventilate just from hearing his name.

And please give me some brain baking soda and a brush so that I may scrub from my mind the image of Vexen ever going to a JB concert.

I stumbled across Roxas, who had a very huge fanbase. Roxas was claiming that his music (Roxas made music?) was better than Justin's and that he'd make it much farther than the "suburban wannabe hoodrat could ever make it." I decided to just close the profile and let those two duke it out amongst themselves.

My weariness was creeping back up on me, but I forced myself to look up one more website: LiveJournal. What's more fun than being privy to actually just reading about a person without having to deal with booty shots, flexing guys and Justin Bieber vs. Roxas discussions?

I of course zoomed in to find if any of my fellow co-workers were on there and was shocked when I found that Eleven had an account with the journal being named "My Garden of Eden and the Random Ideas that Bloom There." Oh, this sounded like it was going to be good!

I read. Then I read some more. Then I just grew fed-up. Marluxia _only _talked about himself. Everything was compared to the lavish life he had before 'an incident' made him a 'heartless individual' and thus he lost all his fortunes, and then compared it to the life he was leading now. In short, he was quite the whiner. No wonder he had no followers.

Demyx also had a profile and I struggled to read even one paragraph of his since he wrote in that annoying 'text talk' of using little to no grammar or punctuation. But…as I read, I found myself more into it than what I had been with Marluxia's. Picking a random post dated a few months back, I read about how he actually once had a drug abuse problem, how his mom had allowed him to run away for a time and how he played his sitar for meager cash.

I would've cried if I had the heart to. Well then, this showed that spelling wasn't everything to a person…and it was clear anyways that Demyx was an eloquent enough speaker. Mm…maybe eloquent is a bit strong to describe Demyx…

The last person I found was Xigbar, who wasn't very original in his name of using "Freeshooter". Well, original if you didn't know of the Organization, but I'm sure Xigbar hadn't thought of us reading his profile. I decided to read his very first post, since he only had five in it to begin with.

'I really don't give too much of a damn who reads this thing. And if any of you Org people find this, just know that I never signed a contract about having to keep silent. As if! Braig Montana doesn't do contracts.'

Huh. Well then. I guess he had counted on us reading it.

And thus Xigbar proceeded to spin stories about himself that were either completely made up or just too amazing and hilarious to be true. Each of his posts were about an experience in his life. I believe my favorite was the story about the chick he picked up at the bar that liked to carry more artillery than he did and was actually scared of her!

Finally, my eyes couldn't look at the computer screen anymore. It was two in the morning anyways. I finally shut everything down and flopped into bed. Before I drifted off, I was hit with another impulse again to create my own profile on one of those networks. Who knows…maybe I will…

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Note: I don't hate JB; it's just always fun to make fun of teen sensations, ^_^ Please review!


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